Hello there all.
It has been a while, or at least it feels that way.
How are you? How have you been?
The world is opening back up – how is that for you? Are you excited or weary? Maybe a bit of both? I am a bit of both, myself.
How are you mentally? Physically? Emotionally?
How are you spiritually?
I am doing well.
Big news: I have been blessed to be a mommy. I am expecting my blessing late summer, and I cannot wait to meet her. I have a heart filled with joy and love. I cannot even begin to describe what this means to me.
Psalms 127:3 says that “children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from Him” (NLT). I cannot image what I did that warranted such a gift, such a blessing. I am beyond words, beyond gratitude, beyond overwhelmed.
I will be honest with you all… I have wanted children all my life. I knew very early on that I wanted to be a mommy. In college I received news that made the idea seem…. less likely… so I started pushing the idea away in order to protect my heart. That did not last long. When I first met my husband, I began having that desire again – that desire to have children. After we got married, I waited… and would get excited at every little thing, but… nothing. Then I received more news – a “diagnosis” that made the idea of a family seem even MORE distant. Things were different this time though – I had my faith. I had my church family praying for us and laying hands on me. I also had a word from God. He said I already had children, that it was already done. I held to that, tightly – I clung to that word. I made the choice to believe Him.
So…. meantime – my nephew was born in late 2020. That was it for me! I was all about him, and I kind of forgot about myself for a moment. I was so undone and enthralled with the blessing that he is, I couldn’t really think of anything else. He is my baby boy! I didn’t think I could love someone so deeply, but I am telling you – God is good. He knew I needed my nephew.
And then, in the midst of my love fest for my nephew, I missed a period. Not even two months after that blessing, I got another one.
Can I be honest…
I felt dread.
The enemy did not want me to receive what God had already decreed.
I was afraid. I felt fear. I felt worry. I felt doubt. I WANTED to feel elation, and joy… I wanted to be happy. But what if….
Well, this is where the religion versus relationship matters. It is NOT a religion; it IS a relationship. The Holy Spirit moved quickly in this place. My “at-home” pregnancy test said “YES+”. Not “pregnant” nor did it have those two lines… it said “YES+”. The word I received: When Jesus says yes, nothing (and no one) can say no. You are having a baby.
That made the difference. Trust in Christ MAKES the difference. Believing God makes the difference.
I’ll be honest. Spiritually, I will ALWAYS say, I can be doing better. I am always growing in Him. But He who began a good work in me, will see it through to completion. So…. I am not worried.
If you feel like you should be praying more… meditating more often… spending time in His word more…. spending time alone with Him more…. praising more… making Christ known more… whatever it is… you are not alone. I feel that way too. We will get there.
The things you feel, are not isolated to you.
We all feel some type of way at times.
Mentally – I have my days. At times I am an enemy slaying superhero… at other times, I am pleading with God to help me think differently (because at times, I feel like my own thoughts with crush me).
Emotionally – I wonder sometimes, why emotions? They are the absolute worst. One moment I feel like the most blessed person in the world, and then in the next moment, something happens or shifts, and I feel defeated and discouraged. I am human. I think I feel gratitude at being able to experience these emotions, these things that make us human, because I can relate to Christ, and He can relate to me. He knows joy and He knows despair. I am never alone in this.
Physically – I should be eating better, I should be working out more, I should be more active, I should take better care of my skin… yeah, all of that.
I had a moment today where I became overwhelmed because it hit me… I have a number of months left in my pregnancy and I will only get bigger. I am already pretty round. I became overwhelmed because I began thinking of the physical pain I experience now, and I realized it will only get worse. I don’t want to fail my baby girl. I want to carry her triumphantly, and not be overwhelmed, exhausted, or feel like it is too much. I felt a moment of – “oh no”. Then I felt comfort. God wouldn’t give me HIS child without provisions – we are healthy, healed and whole. Our faith is set in stone. Our finances are overflowing. Our every need is met. We are covered by Jehovah Jireh. So, these next few months will serve as a testimony to the God I serve. I feel comforted by knowing Him.
I am well. I pray you are well too. And more than anything, I pray you remember that nothing is impossible, you are not alone, and I love you deeply.