Have you ever felt too much? Thought too much? Like, everything is just too much? I’ve been feeling that way lately. Super, and I mean SUPER emotional. Lately I’ve felt like I want to move away and live on an island and bum off the land at this point… I can’t do that because soon I’ll have a little human to care for (and my family would likely shun me), but boy do I WANT to.
I feel anger mostly – which is very much so not like me. My sister says its expected because I’m pregnant, but still… it does not feel good. I FEEL like I don’t want to deal with the things I need to deal with. I don’t want to school anymore, I don’t want to wife anymore, I don’t want to adult anymore – I want to sleep the day away in the sun, enjoying a gentle breeze and no clouds.
I wonder where it comes from – that desire to run away and just say “forget it” to everyone and everything? I mean, things happen, and perhaps if a lot of them happen at the wrong time, it can take its toll. But what if it isn’t the wrong time. What if, there is NOT a lot happening? Of course, it could be the same things happening continuously – making you feel like they will never change. Eh, maybe it’s just emotions – pesky things.
My pastor would say the enemy comes against us in the most deceptive ways, in ways we least expect…. I wonder what that looks like for each of us. He also says (as does the Bible) to pray about these things… but I wonder what happens to our faith when we get tired and don’t feel like praying about it. What happens when you get tired of praying for the same things continuously? What happens when your too discouraged to pray? Too angry or frustrated? THAT… is a crappy feeling man.
Usually, I would end with something encouraging, but I got nothing people.
What I will say though – if you’ve ever felt this way, I get it. You are not alone. It happens to the “best” of us – the ones who have it all together, and are strong and secure in their faith, and they post the most amazing things on social media… they feel crappy at times too (and for no reason even!). Our emotions are real, and it is SO okay to feel them. I get it, and you are not at all alone.
I don’t have an answer to any of the questions I posed here, but that’s okay too. We feel how we feel… we feel what we feel. Perks of being human.