Getting married is the worst idea ever.
Not the marrying the person you want to spend the rest of your life with part… everything else that goes with it.
My boyfriend proposed to me (shocking yeah?).
I planned to be engaged for a year, then I wanted to do like a 6-8 month planning period, then I wanted to get married with all our families on the relatively inexpensive mainland.
Well… I planned wrong. When we got engaged the idea of waiting sounded good, but then I considered a few things…
a – we met in Hawaii… we live in Hawaii… why wouldn’t we take advantage of the circumstance and get married in Hawaii? How amazing is it to remember your wedding day as one that was in paradise… literally.
b – our church home is in Hawaii. Our bishop watched us grow from friends, to a couple, to now engaged, and I wouldn’t feel right letting anyone else marry us.
c – we have a pretty easy life right now. We don’t have real world concerns. We kind of live in a bubble, and I think that’s the best time for us to get to know one another as husband and wife, when we have time to be just us, and you know… get our shit together.
d – we can live for a little while in paradise, just the two of us, saving money, learning how to make one another happy, and preparing for our future
e – um… BAH? No, for real, we need to save extra money, and if they are willing to give it up, we are the best people to give it to – my fiancé and I are actually getting married for the right reasons dammit, how many of us (youngish people) don’t?!
f – how amazing would it be if our families could come together on such a beautiful occasion and get to visit paradise while they’re at it!
g – the people who watched us grow are in Hawaii! People there when we met, and when we had our first kiss, and our first fight, and people who said we would be getting married when we didn’t even want to acknowledge liking one another. I want them to experience our love too!
h – BECAUSE I FUCKING WANT TO DAMMIT!
So… why not go for it. Lets do it. I want to be his wife. I love him, and he is good husband material! I want to do things the right way, so that I don’t feel awkward when people ask personal questions for various reasons – I can now say, YOUR DAMN RIGHT, HE’S MY HUSBAND, HELL YEAH WE DO! I want to go through life with this man, and I see no reason to wait.
What we should have done: small ceremony and reception at church, $2K max budget, including hotel stays for close relatives who wanted to fly in.
What I did: get too excited about marrying him. I invite everyone to share in our love and let my creative/planner sides run free. I give what I think is a really low budget to my dad – $5.5K is pretty low for the American bride… my old roommate paid over $20K! And I begin bringing to life what I see in my head as the most beautiful and fun and cute and creative ways to share how happy I am to be becoming Mrs. Armstrong with people!
What I neglect to include – travel cost. Average plane fare to Hawaii from the Midwest is…………………………… $900!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And then they have to find hotel accommodations… and while my discounts are amazing, after 7 nights, its still hundreds of dollars (and if I pay it all, well then I’m not buying anything else for the next 2 years).
I also neglect to consider the people expecting an invite, and expecting to bring a plus 1, and the people who decide they are coming before I even send invitations, and to be honest, I was planning for a really small affair for family and close friends (I plan to have a ratchet party for all my Hawaii friends some time after the wedding – gonna get TURNT! WHOOP WHOOP!), but I feel like its getting beyond my control.
And of course I planned to do a big reception for our families who didn’t make it to Hawaii…. but that’s in 5-10 years, after a vow renewal, on the mainland, once we have less debt and more money to blow!!!!! AKA money set aside for special shit….
So how is it that I’m over max on my guest-list?
And why is it that EVERY SINGLE PERSON WHO KNOWS I’M GETTING MARRIED HAS ASKED ME (1 of the following 3 questions?):
1 – why don’t you get married on the mainland?
2 – why don’t you have a reception on the mainland?
3 – why didn’t you elope?
Here’s the answers I always want to give:
1 – because I can get married in Hawaii dipshit.
2 – why didn’t you mention that as a viable idea 2 months ago ass-wipe (because its a great fucking idea really! what the fuck happened, why didn’t I do that?!?!? I asked my groom about it… and I have no idea what happened to the idea after that…)
3 – why are you even in my airspace scumbag?!
But I simply say…. I don’t know and then go think of how shitty a person I am for making people travel all that way to see me get married.
Of course I really only asked 3 people to come, and I would have understood them saying it is financially impossible… I would have been heartbroken, but alas I would have understood… everyone else made the decision to come on their own. My family could have said no honestly, and I probably would have sobbed like a child and been devastated, but again… I would have understood!
So when people give me crap, I really want to say, don’t fucking come, but instead I feel like shit….
What would help was if my groom supported me on this and was more vocal about, you know… team us! Like, we’ll be fine, and I’m gonna support my future wife on this right now (and just say no every time she ask to buy something the first year of our marriage…)!
I just want people to tell me that they are excited, and that its a beautiful thing, and a great idea (even if costly and can use some tweaking and re-budgeting), and that my efforts have been amazing, and that they support us and what we are doing, and that its the right thing to do, and that they are here for me!
one person has been constantly offering help.
one person has been actually helping me plan.
one person told me that it was an awesome idea and a great plan.
(that is 3 people though – maybe I should shut up and enjoy what I can get…………………………..)
Encouragement. Assurance. Support.
Yeah… that would have been really nice, but we all cant get what we want huh?