The Same Thing Again

I think its unfair to expect someone to stay loyal or faithful to you if you are not interested in giving them what they want…

yes… that’s what I said and that’s how I meant it.

I want to tell a story…

Tiffany is quite a character. She is unique and full of life. She is a lover of things and she is a risk taker. She believes in love and she believes that animals are humans too. Tiffany is relatively young, sure, but it confuses her when people tell her she should not want to have a family now…

ok forget this… I’m obviously Tiffany and I am tired of speaking in third person, so…

I am only 26, but I know what I want… I want a family.

I want to get married and have children. That is what I want.

My issue: my guy looks at marriage in an “as needed” basis. He may not even want children.

The obvious solution: break up. We want different things, we are not on the same path… well that’s easy to do when you don’t truly love someone with your heart. When you don’t feel that this person is bringing you closer to God and making you better.

I have tried to leave on numerous occasion for numerous different things, but its hard to take my heart back from someone who, 1. has had it for almost a year and 2. wants to keep it.

My boyfriend is logical. Emotional things are not feasible to him. He loves me. He wants to be with me. But this is a conclusion he reached after deciding whether or not I, without taking into consideration my emotions or that fact that there was love between us, have the needed qualities to be a suitable partner in marriage… not his wife… but a good marriage partner.

Don’t get me wrong, he has changed a lot for me, and his potential (that’s a dangerous thing there… falling in love with someone’s potential will leave your heart in ruined pieces 9 times out of 10) is limitless. He does all the little things I expect and he treats me like a spoiled brat…

But I want him to want to marry me and have children…

childish? selfish? unreasonable?

OK!!! AAANNNDDDD???????????

I am NOT wrong for wanting those things, nor am I wrong for wanting to be with someone who also wants them as much as I do… he wants to work toward a future, which is the answer I have settled for at this point…. but it scares me that he thinks this way, because I cant be reassured that he will ever get on the same page as me. I feel no comfort in our relationship. I feel suspended in mid-air, waiting for the final drop (will I land gracefully on my feet or will I break my face….). I feel love, and happiness, and joy, and a lot of time peace, and encouragement, and an abundant spirit of team us… but I don’t feel comfort or security.

And I know he tries. I know he wants to make me happy. I know he is tired of me bitching at him about this……………… but I cant help but wish we were more on the same page.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just a little rant though, don’t pay me any attention ^_^

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